Interview with Megan (pt 3)
- Reference Number: DW-94/1/15/4
- Date: 2013
- Level: Piece
- Extent: 1 item
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Description: Please note this interview contains content that some people may find upsetting.
0.20- talking about counselling at Gender Matters, in March 2009, was able to go back to work this month too
0.50- ?It?s about the timing, if you don?t get the timing right, if you?re not ready for it, then I think that you may get yourself in to more trouble it may get harder and harder?
2- counsellor at gender matters ?was very straightforward with me he said that um once you open the box really with the gender issues it?s going to be very hard to put those feelings back in and he said you could be in for a bumpy ride and I was like I don?t care it?s going to be fine I?ve just got over some depression so I can handle it and er that?s probably the biggest mistake I ever made thinking it was going to be okay er because over the next um year I was seeing him regularly weekly because a lot of a lot of um my feelings and emotions were coming out things that are varied things that I didn?t like about myself and I had what we call what I call anyway a lot of internalised transphobia because all the time growing up I?d heard growing up in society and just in the playground in the work place or in the pub that you know trans people are weirdos and they?re strange and they?re different and so I thought to myself that I you know there?s no way I?m going to be able to come out to people because they?re going to hate me they?re not going to like me they?re going to think I?m strange and when you keep hearing those things year after year week after week they stick you know they stick inside you and so I spent you know probably around a year with the counsellor battling through that he was saying to me as far as I?m concerned you?re trans just like the psychiatrist had said just like the counsellor had said he said you?re trans you know you are what you are and he?d worked with hundreds of trans people and I was obsessed with not being trans I was like I can?t be it must be something else maybe it was the way brought up it was nothing to do with the way I was brought up I was brought up with a twin who is a parent of two kids and he?s er we?re totally different it?s not so it wasn?t about the way I was brought up it wasn?t about the school I went to because we went to the same school and he hasn?t turned out like me either and erm so I couldn?t come to terms with it and I wanted it to be anything but trans and so there?s me thinking I?m ready to face up to it and I?ve got the strength to do it but when the truth came out it just made me feel even worse and I just couldn?t cope and um but I thought I?m going I was going to persevere because I knew that this was the right thing to do I didn?t have anything else to do you know it was either this or nothing?
4.50- later in that year decided she?d have to tell family because she had to make changes to survive and that meant being more honest with people, Gender Matters gave her the confidence to do this
9.10- conversation with friend who told her you wouldn?t want your parents to pass away without you telling them, especially as Megan knew her friends and family knew there was something going on with her, just not exactly sure what, so she told her family and they were fine with it
10.30- moved out and was able to start experimenting with dressing, but still felt trapped as the friends she was living with didn?t know she was trans
11.45- talks about not being depressed or anxious at this time, but worried about slipping back into this, but feels at this point she is finally over it after about 2 years
12.30- ?In 2010 I um finally came to terms with the fact that I?m a trans woman and um I came to terms with the fact that if I didn?t start living my life as a trans woman I wasn?t going to live very long at all?
13- upon advise, started living as a woman part time, just to see how it felt ?and if it?s hard to go back to living as a man then you know that you are trans? after trying this for a week on holiday, knew she couldn?t go back to living as a man. Started living as a woman outside of work in 2010
15- By the end of the year, the stress was becoming too much
15.10- in 2010, she finally went back to the gender identity clinic, 9 years after she was initially supposed to go
15.25- mentions if she didn?t transition she would have ended up killing herself
15.40- gender confirmation treatment, but at work, had been temporarily given a managerial role, and wanted to prove to herself she could do it, so went to the diversity manager at work and explained she had to come out, but wanted to do so after her post was over, in 9 months. Was lucky that her employer supported her throughout
- Access Status: Open
- Contact: Wolverhampton Archives, Wolverhampton Archives & Local Studies